The Panty Kickers talk about the (very needed!) practice of letting go of the friendships that aren’t serving us. Friends are the family of our choice, so how do you choose to have the most positive, encouraging, and fun friend group that feels like solid kin?

“I have lost friends, some by death…others by sheer inability to cross the street.”

― Virginia Woolf

Carolyn says:

1. The mark of a great friendship is that time can pass and you can always pick up where you left off.
2. Toxic friends want to tear you down, not build you up!
3. If it’s hard to share your life with your friend, it might be a toxic friendship.
4. When you are unhappy, it’s hard to share your life with others.

Some signs you have a toxic friend:

1. They’re jealous of you.
2. They’ll try to ruin your good mood.
3. Misery loves company, toxic friends will shade you in front of a big group.
4. They’ll discourage you from trying to achieve your dream.
5. See how you feel after spending time with your friends, if your friendship is toxic you may find yourself feeling drained, upset and questioning.

Becca says:

1. As you age you rely on friendships less, and that’s okay!
2. Friendships are best when they have less judgement and more light hearted support, enjoyment, and fun.
3. You don’t have to choke hold every single thing that ever came into your life, let things go if it’s time to go. Be happy for what it is.
4. We all have a responsibility to keep ourselves alive, happy and growing.

5 Things that can cause you to need to move away from old friendships:

1. Major changes in life: job, commute, location, marriage, kids
2. Major changes in attitude or belief: religion, eating, drinking, working out, habits, am/pm rituals
3. Codependence – if you want to end the behavior you did with your pal you may need to end the friendship too
4. Discovery of Self – friends mirroring the authentic you of TODAY
5. Envy and jealousy – TOXIC! – when a friend gets what you want before you have it it can be difficult to be happy for them, and if you can’t truly be happy for each other your friendship is toxic.  Get out.

How to walk away from a friendship that isn’t working:

1. Fade away/Limit contact – Compulsory “lets have lunch” (everyone knows what that means)
2. It’s not you its me – deflect your feelings by using an excuse that is valid
3. Be direct and honest – 1 time but don’t get sucked into a black hole
4.  Work it out – If you aren’t ready to throw in the towel, have an honest conversation.  It will do one of two things, either blow it up (which would be fine) or bring you closer (which could be better).  If you both love each other, with a true sense of value and respect, then you will be willing to accommodate changes in each other’s lives.  One order of caution though, a big “meet me in the middle” talk should only be necessary a couple of times in a long term friendship, rehashing the same issues over and over or constantly reassuring someone is a needless waste of time and energy.

Subscribe, Rate, Review, Share and Recommend Kick in the Panties! Come to our website kickinthepanties.com to submit a question to Carol and Becca.

See you next week for Q&A “Dear Panty Kickers, I have a really difficult time opening up to female friends about my emotions. I pretend to have it all together because I don’t want them to think I’m a mess. I also feel somewhat competitive with them, I wish I didn’t but I’m always comparing. I feel like I keep them at a distance, how do I open up and still feel safe?” – Jordan

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS WEEK?????!!!!!????

XO Panty Kickers

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